Being involved with the mental demons I have had since they were born at age 11, I have had some days that are a lot better than others, and some that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. One thing is for certain, I consider myself relatively tough enough to handle most circumstances now with some assemblance of calm and reason, while in the past, chaos and discomfort were the norm.
Today is not the norm.
I am one week past being in the hospital with cellulitis in my right leg. I experienced a day at work where I spent over two hours trying to restrain an idiot psycho who didn’t want to be in the hospital in the first place, meanwhile, he’s got a cast on his foot, and a drain with enough blood in it to fill a wine glass.
This sumbitch is fighting and kicking so much that he nearly put his cast in my temple on more than one occasion.
Meanwhile, all the activity has caused my leg a significant amount of pain, and has basically put me on the shelf for the entire weekend.
Now, today, a day where my kids’ groups have activities, one in Lido Beach, and one in Riverhead, I’ve got a 15 year old who refuses to cooperate, a 10 year old who sounds like he’s smoked 30 packs of cigarettes from the allergies he’s dealing with, and a 9 year old who wants to kill his 15 year old brother. Literally kill.
And, throughout all this, I am trying to swallow all the emotion I am feeling until they leave, and when they finally do, without the 10 year old because he feels like junk, I proceed to cry my eyes out.
Here’s where its getting good.
I’m doing laundry today. GUESS WHO FORGOT TO TURN OFF THE WATER?
My son is sitting 10 feet from the washer, and hears and says nothing. But I can’t blame him, it’s my fault that my workshop is currently in heel deep water.
I have had thoughts of the ultimate consequence on only a couple of occasions in 26 years of dealing with these demons. I can add another occasion to that list. It’s still on one hand I can count them, but today is one of those times. That’s how miserable I feel. And I have nobody to talk to about it.
A day in my life. Live it, if you dare. Run from it, if you’re smart. I wish I was.
